There’s so much more I would love to share about Johanna, yet the right words are hard to come by. You would think that as a poet, words would flow onto the screen easily. All the memories of our conversations come at me at once: the phone calls, the text messages, the group hangouts. I want to write about it all, yet every memory gets lumped together, and I’m left in shocked silence. And all that’s left are the ‘if only’ thoughts: If only we hung out in New York more often, if only I made more of an attempt to text her, if only I wasn’t so consumed with ‘what could fail’ and focused more on ‘Look at all the things we can share’!
All I can think about is this: there’s such an absence now that Johanna’s gone. These wonderful moments with her are now precious memories. There were other moments that I wished to share with her, but they will never come to be. Life indeed passes too quickly.