September 26, 2018: Last Night’s Dream

My mom appeared in my dream last night. She rarely makes an appearance in my dreams, so I pay close attention when she does. I remember feeling happy when I saw her. My mom was smiling, wearing her hair in a long, loose ponytail, and her face was made up lightly. She was also wearing a brown top. I recall me feeling relieved when I saw her, and she was nodding her head and talking calmly. Then in an instant, her serenity shifted into yelling. I don’t remember what exactly she was yelling about, but she went into a tirade. I felt so anxious. This went on for a few seconds before I woke up.

So many emotions went through my mind at that moment. Happiness because my mother appeared in my dreams again after so long. Sadness, because her peace turned into pain. Worry, since I’m trying to interpret the meaning of my dream.  Somewhere deep down, I believe I have an understanding why her emotions shifted so fast. In my daily life, I ask for her assistance in my life dilemmas. There’s been so much happening in my life the past two years, and I struggle to break out of my difficulty. Perhaps this is my mother’s way of pushing me to change my routine. The signs are right there, I picture her saying to me, you need to act. Now.

I always had my mother’s support when she was alive. Although she’s no longer with me, I want to make her proud.

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