May 31, 2018: A Month Away

Johanna’s memorial is a month away. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that she’s no longer with us. In the days following her death, I observe the beauty of the outdoors, or read different poems, and feel sad that Johanna can no longer appreciate these small things. The photos of Johanna’s life posted on several friends FB pages feature many areas in her life; so comforting to view her in many scenes of her life, yet a pang of sadness lingers.

I fully intend on coming to Johanna’s memorial. I notified our local Poetry Therapy community, and there is ample time for those who wish to attend to prepare. I’m hopeful that many people from our groups can pay their respects. Our lives venture down different pathways over the years, yet Johanna had a way of keeping everyone linked together.

May 30, 2018: Wednesday Thoughts

  • Today began crazy for me, and ended with a moment to rejuvenate myself.
  • My OT session was a positive one. I received more Kinesio tape for my left hand, and got to take some time to rest.
  • I got to replace my Freestyle Libre sensor today. I also got to read a positive article in a magazine during break.

May 29, 2018: Lost Moments

There’s so much more I would love to share about Johanna, yet the right words are hard to come by. You would think that as a poet, words would flow onto the screen easily. All the memories of our conversations come at me at once: the phone calls, the text messages, the group hangouts. I want to write about it all, yet every memory gets lumped together, and I’m left in shocked silence. And all that’s left are the ‘if only’ thoughts: If only we hung out in New York more often, if only I made more of an attempt to text her, if only I wasn’t so consumed with ‘what could fail’ and focused more on ‘Look at all the things we can share’!

All I can think about is this: there’s such an absence now that Johanna’s gone. These wonderful moments with her are now precious memories. There were other moments that I wished to share with her, but they will never come to be. Life indeed passes too quickly.

May 27, 2018: Relaxation With Friends, and Dates

This afternoon I went to Jersey Girl Brewery with Andy and a couple other friends. It was a great spot to relax and enjoy a flight for a couple hours. I really admired the selection of apparel the brewery contains.

Earlier today we received an email from a deacon assigned at our church, reaching out to schedule a date to meet and discuss. We’re both excited, since this is one step closer to scheduling a date for the big day.

May 26, 2018: At the Movies

Andy and I finally saw Avengers: Infinity War this afternoon. It was very good, filled with action and unexpected twists. I especially enjoyed viewing the scenes after the film. It brings much to look forward to when the next Avengers movie comes out.

The next movie we want to check out is Deadpool 2. The first Deadpool movie was enjoyable, and the main character was hilarious to watch. I’m curious to see who he will battle with in this film.