It’s a rainy afternoon in Hunterdon County, but I’m still enjoying my birthday weekend. Last night was a memorable gathering, since I celebrated my 40th birthday with my fiancé and some dear friends. We realized amusingly that the night was like a small Seton Hall reunion, since we all graduated from there, and most of us hung out together in the past. I also invited a couple close friends from my poetry therapy community, but unfortunately they couldn’t make it. It was still enjoyable to have the turnout last night, since I value everyone’s company dearly. It was so peaceful, with no tension throughout the evening. It reminded me of my poetry therapy gatherings over the years, and how enjoyable it was to take part in those discussions with friends and colleagues.
Last night was a great reminder to value every moment. I spoke with my grandparents and cousin earlier that day, and my grandmother shared with me the story of when I was born. ‘There was a big snowstorm that day!’ my grandmother said. ‘There was so much, the snow covered the doors halfway’! I fondly remembered both my mother and grandmother sharing this story with me several times over the years, but I never get tired of hearing it! I told my cousin that I will visit them next weekend. We’re both looking forward to it. I especially can’t wait to see my 3 year old niece. It will be so great to see how she’s growing!
My birthday is here! I woke up not feeling any different, yet today is a special milestone. 40 is an age my friends and I always dreaded reaching…everything seemed to freeze once that number is hit.
I’m in a feeling of mild disbelief, yet grateful of everything I been through in my life thus far. Feeling surprised, but looking forward to more days ahead. I have so much to live for…planning for my wedding (still no date and limited funds, but it will happen), seeing my nieces and nephew grow up, and seeing my poetry and writing flourish even more. I look forward to apply my creativity towards my working life also. Keeping the toddlers entertained in the classroom.
When I turned 30, I asked my mother if she felt any anxiety when she reached that age, since I was feeling a bit nervous at the time. ‘No, I didn’t feel anything about reaching that’, she responded. She was so casual, but it also taught me to embrace time because we have so little of it. Now that I’m celebrating 40, I wish to have her here to share the moment. I realize she’s always watching me, telling me ‘Don’t worry, you’ll be okay’.
So today I’m celebrating my special day, my 40th birthday. And I’ll enjoy every moment.
Yesterday one of my good friends in the poetry therapy community posted ‘Harlem’ by Langston Hughes, in honor of his birthday. It’s one of my favorite poems, since its imagery inspired me to express myself poetically. ‘Harlem’ speaks of a community that’s vibrant, yet having their dreams deferred by constant struggles.
I read ‘Harlem’ with the knowledge that I also handle dreams that face struggle and hardship. They are different than the difficulties Hughes describes in his poem, yet my dreams can also be effected by doubt and anxiety from time to time. I can only do my best to care for myself in these situations. To not be hard on myself when feelings of doubt take over. My dreams may be deferred at the moment, but it’s temporary, and it’s important for me to remember that.
I can’t believe that January is now gone, it went by so quickly! I’m pleased about some things that took place last month: I’m excited about having my writing streak alive again. It’s been forever since I wrote regularly, in any medium. I pray that I can maintain this flow.
I’m happy about my growing productivity in work also. Recent events at the end of 2017 made me realize that in order for me to succeed in my career, I need to take of it on my own. Sadly, requesting for help brings a less favorable response. It taught me my ability to thrive as a teacher though. It’s a day to day process.
I also learned that true companionship exists, however distant the connections are. This is something I’ve always known, but it’s truly emerged in recent weeks. Some people may feel uncomfortable about reaching out, and that’s fine. I’m always here regardless.
I didn’t care to watch the State of the Union address last night. I usually make the effort, watch part of it every year, but this time around I wanted no part of it. There’s no point to watch someone repeat the same restrictive policies and false promises that we’ve heard him say all year in office. His social media use gets more media attention anyway. It’s so odd that a person in government uses social media so much!
So I watched wrestling last night. Much more entertaining! Really loved the mixed match challenge match online also, especially the end. Would love to see how far Alexa and Braun go.
We’ll see how today will go…my classroom book order came in, so I’m excited about that. I can add more books to my Literacy wall at work. Just a trip to the library and I’ll be all done with that part.
I slept much better last night, and I’m so relieved about that. Since I’m going to be at work until 7:30 tonight, I need all the energy today. A new day to set up curriculum for next month, and managing toddlers. Keeps me busy. 😊
Still waiting to hear back from a close friend from New York. We’ve had our conflicts in the past, but I would go to her for any difficulties happening in my life. She usually travels to Florida during the winter, but she mentioned that she may be staying in NY this time around.
Life goes on, no matter what.
This morning began a bit strange, since I got very little sleep the night before. It wasn’t until I was still lying awake at 2am that I checked my blood sugar level, and discovered a low. I tried to bring my levels back up, but they remained low well into the early morning hours.
I live with Type 1 diabetes, and I’m accustomed to adjusting medicine and following a certain diet. Handing wild lows are part of my life, but they remain difficult to deal with. I’m just thankful that my low glucose wasn’t as severe as it was a few months ago. That incident was truly scary.
This morning I got my glucose level back on track, then went on with my work routine. Sometimes the effects of a bad low tends to linger throughout, but thankfully thay didn’t happen. I’m so thankful that I have friends and family in my life who I can lean on in case things become very difficult.
Today I spent some time seeking peace within, since stress has begun sneaking into my life once more. As much as I try to keep calm, every now and then worries and doubt try to slip in.
During mass this afternoon, I reached out to seek inner peace, to quiet down the waves of doubt and disappointment that at times effect me. Having that moment of reflection guided me toward a peaceful state. I still have my stresses, and tomorrow will bring new challenges. I did my best to prepare what I needed for my classroom, so that I won’t need to do too much the first half of the week, hopefully!
This afternoon I took some much needed time for myself. I took care of my hair, making the trip to maintain the color. I reconnected with the hair stylist I previously visited a couple years back, and I’m so relieved that I did so. It’s refreshing to see someone who truly pays attention to your requests!
Making the trip to the salon brought back memories: visiting friends near the area, and passing by spots favorable to hang out (and not so favorable locations!). I still speak to one of these close friends on a regular basis. She moved to Puerto Rico a few years ago, but we maintain contact on a weekly basis. Thankfully her power was restored back in mid November, and she and her son are in good spirits. She wants to visit NJ in the coming year, and we’re hopeful that could take place soon.
As life moves on, close friends are hard to come by, so it’s important to cherish the true connections you have in day-to-day life. They are so valuable.
It’s relieving to reach the end of the work week. I had a relaxing dinner and drinks with my fiance. He was sick for most of the week, and today was the first time he could get out and explore without feeling under the weather. I was happy to spend that time with him.
It was a crazy day, and the thing is, I still need to take care of tasks for work this weekend. But this is the normal routine for me. When you have limited time to complete tasks at work (unless you do them while supervising the kids), taking your work home is daily life. Sometimes I don’t mind, since it allows me to get creative with curriculum ideas. I would love to have more time for leisurely activities though. I can only hope to make more time for myself in the immediate future.